Having patience in the waiting

I've never been much good at being patient, and I doubt strongly if I'm the only one.

As I approached thirty (this year I will turn 31) the little patience I once had, well and truly waned. I started to freak out. I had these visions and expectations for my life and I felt like a failure because I hadn't achieved them during the time period I had designated for myself. I thought that by the time I turned thirty, I would be married, have kids and own my own home and a dog. I had this pretty stereotypical interpretation of my life, but it was something I aspired to.

When my ex-husband left me at age twenty-five for another woman, these dreams pretty well came crashing down. How was I meant to get all the things I wanted in only five years and starting completely from scratch? Approaching 30 (which I felt was the cut-off for actual life achievements to take place) I put the pressure on. Come on Carly it's time to find someone. Hurry up, you better get engaged. If I'm being honest, I even at one stage caught myself planning the EXACT month I needed to get pregnant to be able to have a baby by the time I thought that I needed to.

Not only did this cause me stress and anxiety as well as putting unnecessary pressure on my relationship, it also meant that I was never living in the moment, but always thinking in the future.

Reading the Bible, practising mindfulness and watching sermons about relationships, having faith and being planted in what God has planned for you has really helped me to gain greater perspective and have patience in the waiting.

Some verses that have helped me include:

Romans 8:25- But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

2 Chronicles 15:7- But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.

Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Don't get me wrong, I still have hopes and dreams for my life and I'm still working daily towards achieving these (well the ones I actually have a say over). But the difference now is that I'm not rushing anything. I have learnt the importance of practising gratitude and being a good steward with with I've already been given. I know that one day I will own my own home. But in the meantime, I'm going to be a good steward with the house I have. I'm taking care of it and making it beautiful and enjoying living in the area and street this house is situated in.

One day I want to be married. But I also want to enter into a marriage that is strong and healthy and is going to last a lifetime. So for now, I'm going to tend to the relationship I already have, working at it, pouring into it and preparing myself and my heart for the next phase. Watching the series "Before the person' by Transformation Church was really instrumental in helping me gain greater perspective on this.

I know that I want to have kids. But I also really enjoy my life right now. I like the habits and routines that make up my day to day. I like having complete control over my afternoons and weekends. Essentially, I like being selfish. I used to think that made me a bad person. Now I realise how stupid that is, this is my life and I get to live it the way I see fit.

So I'm waiting. Patiently. I'm loving what I have and who I am right now and I'm excited to see how my life transforms in the future. I once heard a saying that "you overestimate what you can do in a year and yet underestimate what you can do in a decade" and that's so true.

Carly x

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